Part 1: Cooking a turkey, just because...

Today, I feel like a turkey!  ~ Hey! Watch your comments,  you peoples in the peanut gallery!!!  I just heard someone remark:  “What else is new??”   ~ . Well, I feel like e-a-t-i-n-g  turkey, if you need to have it spelled out!

Problem is:  I have not cooked one in at least 120 years! (I am well preserved, eh?)  OK, that’s a lie… I have NEVER cooked a turkey EVER!

Mind you, I have been in the same room when someone else has cooked one:  My mom, my significant other, my sister and my brother are all great cooks.  Even a few friends have let me in their beloved kitchen at this crucial time.  But I’ve never before had the responsibility of all the steps necessary to accomplish this great task all by my lonesome and I confess, it scares me to death!  But today, I am ready for the challenge and I’m intent on winning this war! Go Girl Go!

On the treasured advice of my sister ~ who is my mentor extraordinaire in kitchen matters ~ I have decided to “brine” the darn thing before cooking it, as if it was not already complicated enough!    After reading the instruction manual (you know I’m serious when I get that desperate), recipe says to make sure the fowl is completely thawed out before attempting anything.  Well!  Now they tell me... There goes another 12 hours… tick-tock-tick-tock-tick-tock... i have time to run a 10K, vacuum my whole house and compose my blogs for the next month.

Fastrack to later:  OK! I think that’s done.  Not that easy when there’s no room (or time) to do it slowly in the fridge, when the temperature in your house is colder than that in your fridge (see previous story) and that if you leave it in the sink full of cold water, it will freeze all over again!  Then, the only resource is to put the thing outside in a spot where the dogs or any other animal won’t snack on it while it’s defrosting. Now we’re talking wrapped in bags, in a cooler chained shut and surrounded by barbed wire.  Wow, that’s a lot of work – it’s only morning and already I’m exhausted!

Now I am supposed to get rid of the stuff that is hidden inside; unfortunately folks, I’m discovering that it’s not at all like when you open a Cracker Jack box or a Kinder Surprise treat.  I know the dogs will like what I found in there, however, I won’t dwell on it at this time and instead will hide it in the fridge until I decide what’s to be done with it.  

OK!  We’re now all rinsed and ready to marinate in this mix: 2 gallons of cold water, 2 cups of salt and 2 cups of sugar, enough for a 12 lb turkey, in a food-safe bag as we don’t want PCPs or PCBs or PCPEs  in our supper, do we? Do we mind?  Maybe we do when I figure out what all those initials stand for. Never know – Won’t take the chance!

So for another12 hours , this will soak up the good stuff and I’m supposed to have the very best-delicious-moistest-juicy turkey ever. 

We are also warned that over-soaking is worse than under-soaking . Great! So now I have something else to stress about. 

·       Did I convert kilos to pounds accurately?

·       Is my timer set?

·       Does my timer work?

·       Will I hear it when it rings?

·       What if the power goes out?

·       Where is my battery operated timer?

You know, the regular stuff we worry about.

Well, it’s 9:07 am and the turkey is now brining!  She’ll keep on doing that for 11.9 hours (not that I’m particular or anything) and then we’ll rinse and throw in the oven!   WooHoo!  Now, off to walk the dogs, to church, to LIFE in general as the waiting commences and the timers are activated!  Tick-tock-tick-tock-tick-tock…….. ***TO BE CONTINUED***