Not so Happy Food

January 28, 2012

Today, I took a “FOODSAFE” class; boy, did I ever learn things that part of me did not want to know but should have known since my school days!    How to store, cook and cool food safely.  I’m on overload!!!

Sometimes we ingest food that is already contaminated, thus swallowing the poison itself:  that’s called a food intoxication.   When we eat bad stuff that keeps growing inside us , that’s a food infection. And that’s not a picnic: Abdominal pain, diarrhea, chills, fever, nausea, vomiting…  No thanks, i'll pass.

So I think to myself, “ok, I wash my hands, wash my hands, wash my hands, and that’ll take care of things”.  NO NO and NO! What about work surfaces, utensils, insects, dishrags we use?

It matters what temperature the food is cooked at, kept warm at, how fast we can cool it down and the temperature it should stay at until the next reheating!  Some food is safe when it’s dry but can become deadly once it’s cooked or re-hydrated.  Did you know that melon and papaya are on the same “Potentially Hazardous Food” as poultry and eggs?

Bacteria gets killed when heated to the right temperature but some food produce toxins, which only go dormant as they are heated.  Those toxins wake up once back to the danger zone between 40^oF and 140^oF. Leftovers must get warmed up to 165^oF to be eligible to be safely on your plate again and kept to at least 140^oF while you are eating so the bacteria does not multiply too rapidly!

OK – what next?   I’ve got to make sure my fridge is at 40^oF or lower and that the freezer is at 0^oF or lower.  When was the last time you checked up on your appliances?  Do you know how to calibrate your thermometer to see if it’s giving an accurate reading? 

Sneezing, sniffling, feverish?   Stay away from food prep!  Sore on your hand or long nails?  Wear gloves and change them often!  Did you know you should change your gloves as often as you would wash your hands?  Did you think that being organized and preparing food days ahead of a big party is a good idea?  Think again!  Unless you have a walk-in fridge and/or freezer, you probably won’t be able to keep the food out of the danger zone temperature within the time it needs to be.   Do you check your expiry dates?  Do you buy from reputable merchants?  Do you store your food in a proper container on the way home from grocery shopping on a hot summer day?  Did you know you should keep any raw meat on the bottom shelf of your fridge because if the container should happen to leak, it won’t drip onto the lettuce or any ready -to - eat food that’s on the shelf below!

When conditions are right, bacteria can double every 20 minutes!  When temperature hovers between 40 and 140^oF,
one bacterium can become… **

·       2 after 20 minutes

·       4 after 40 minutes

·       8 after one hour

·       64 after two hours and

·       33,554,432 bacteria after 8 hours and 20 minutes! **

**info taken from FOODSAFE Level 1 workbook prepared by the British Columbia FOODSAFE Secretariat, Camosun College, Victoria, British Columbia.

Ouch!   That’s too many little critters for my taste!   What to do?  Take a course!  Purchase some thermometers and start using them when storing, heating and cooking your foodstuff.  Be smart and stay healthy!  I don’t want to lose my readership because microbes, bacteria and toxins have got one up on me.
No Siree Bob!

Salut to all the Health Inspectors and I tip my hat off (or my hairnet) and curtsy holding my protecting apron to you and will never forget that:  “Better be Safe than Sorry”.  Hopefully,  when I meet you next it won’t be to ixnay my kitchen! 

Better be a Little "S" than a Little Less!  J

Happy Food

Today, I read a good quote from Pasquale Carpino:  “If I sing when I cook, the food is going to be happy”.  Pasquale was a popular television chef in Toronto AND an opera singer; what do you think of his opinion?

Food is not necessarily happy when I sing while cooking:  my dogs are delighted to join in and a surreal howling contest commences as soon as I utter the first note.  I find this hilarious,  however, that’s only my opinion.  I’ve had houseguests run for their lives or call 9-1-1 because they were worried my house had been invaded by a bunch of hungry wolves – “It’s OK officer, they’re only Huskies and wouldn’t kill a fly;  they always harmonize during my singing lessons.”

I’ve talked previously about my food’s secret ingredient being LOVE,  however, even though happy usually occurs when love is in the air, the same cannot be said of all people’s singing abilities.  If it was always meant to describe how much love is present, I’m afraid some would experience something close to loathing if they were serenaded by the likes of moi and the pooches.

So yes, a song from the heart can put you in the right mood for cooking but please, keep it to yourself (and your pets) because even though making a joyful noise is encouraged at church, the neighbors will most likely NOT appreciate it and even refuse your invitation to dinner once they hear you sing to the food.  It’s like talking to the plants; once someone sees you do it, your name gets quickly placed on the waiting list at the local institution.

 ♪♪ When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s amore ♥♪♪
♪♪ Do you love me? ♥ Now that I can dance, I can mash-potato, I can do the twist ♪♪
♪♪ Are you goin’ to Scarborough Fair?  Parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme ♪♪

So many songs have been inspired by foodstuff!  That’s not to say that all of us should come out of the closet ~ I mean shower~ with our mouth still in action.  Wikipedia defines Singing:  The act of producing musical sounds with the voice.  Hint:  If what comes out could likely be misconstrued as noise… just take this as a friendly reminder: Some of us are fortunate to be hard of hearing!  J

Salut to all the amateur chefs out there and remember:  “Silence is Golden”. 

Better be a Little "S" than a Little Less!  J

Countdown to Christmas has started

Do you realize that one month ago, we were in the midst of celebrating Christmas ,  surrounded with yummy food, wonderful presents, inspiring music, and of course, the best company?  Time flies, doesn’t it?

 Well, I say it’s never too early to begin planning so I will start a tradition that I should have started years ago when I first met my wonderful friend K.  You see, K is the QUEEN of lists.  One year, when I was visiting her in October,  she showed me her  list of the day- to -day things she now had to get going on,  ~ starting at Thanksgiving ~ all the way to Christmas morning,  so everything that she wanted to accomplish would be done on time.   I stood there with my mouth open and my chin on the floor, thinking that was the craziest thing I had ever seen or heard.  However, over the years, I have noticed that her Christmas cards always get to me on time ~ my friends are lucky to get mine by Valentine’s Day!  ~ K is never caught by surprise.  She never has to run to the mall on December 24, all is bought and wrapped by mid November!  .She knows the Post Office schedule for out of town, out of country and even email!  Her house is always Spic & Span when guests arrive and the kitchen smells heavenly ~ unlike the burnt smell in mine ~ because she started cooking on time and will actually serve dinner on time, and if the entire staff of the fire station is there, it’s because they have been invited, not because they were 9-1-1’d .  Wow!  What a concept.  I promise you K, I’m really trying to wrap my head around all this, you are teaching me a lot of good stuff, not just bad habits  J

So I have decided to inject some of her wisdom into my life and have decided that Christmas 2012 will be my most organized ever!  Hence, my Christmas decorations are already up J.   My Christmas cards will be sent in February as usual, however, they will be for NEXT Christmas and I won’t explain the delay this year– everyone will just think I am super organized. Also, instead of spending 2-3 days composing my Christmas message at the last minute, I will just journal a line about my life every day,  then, in early December, I will scan my journal for the year and email it to everyone!  What a time saver! Aren’t you impressed?

I think I will start planning my turkey in October sometime; the only problem with that is that it probably be all eaten by December 25 and I will have to cook another one – I can put that in the plan as well.  Gotta have a plan B!

I had promised I would not make myself any resolutions for 2012.  You know what happens:  seems that as soon as the good intention makes itself known and you’ve actually written it down and/or told someone about it, something goes awry and it doesn’t happen!  I wouldn’t call it a curse, or bad luck; just plain over-enthusiastic planning that is not practical.  So I won’t do it!  This is a new me J   Little Practical “S”.

My sister is always telling me of what she’s got in the works around her house and I’m exhausted just listening to her great plans; but I’m really busy these days and I don’t have time to waste on housework or remedoling.  I’m cleaning up my life! And it’s exciting!  The new me has a little more dust on the furniture but a little less in her head.  Maybe a little more junk on the floor but a spring in her steps.  Feels awesome, I tell you!

I may not become #1 in everything I attempt however, if I move from minus 9 to minus 5, that will be a great accomplishment… Baby steps, a day at a time, I’m gonna win that race, I promise.

Ebay ellway ntiluay omorrowtay  - otchagay!   
G: teach me the French version, will you?  xxxxxx

Salut to my cheerleading team – I love you to bits! ♥



Better be a Little "S" than a Little Less!  J

The aftermath…

Now the work is done, turkey is deboned, sorted out, portioned out and back in the freezer in individual serving size portions.  The dishes are done, the pots and pans all put away and my kitchen once more resembles the efficient work area I like to pretend it is.  I transferred all the bones (for Mrs. Jones ‘cause she don’t eat no meat!) and the juices from the roasting pan into the crockpot which has done its job overnight. Am now ready to strain the broth, add carrots, celery, green onions, bay leaves and some wild rice for some more simmering.   A queen’s repast will be ready for my supper tonight.

You know, when they say a vacation starts from the moment you start to plan it… well, I can say the same for my turkey project.  The fun started early:  I came up with the idea, made a list of what I needed and went shopping;   also had to set up a time schedule, have a minute-by-minute organization chart to make sure that: 
1.  I followed the instructions in the right order,
2.  I was not skipping any crucial steps;
3.  I was going to be on time for supper and not tomorrow’s breakfast.

And it worked!  Eating it was not the only memorable moment!   I chose to use someone’s else’s wisdom and experience by following their recipe; I took a chance and changed a few of the rules to adapt to my unique circumstances and I got the result I worked so hard for:   Delicious ready meat for easy prep of meals during the first weeks of my new job; soup at my fingertips for those rainy days where it’s the only thing that will cure your ills and a wonderful satisfaction of a job well done.

There is also a reason why I 'm patting myself on the back.  Wanna know?   My secret ingredient is:   LOVE !!!  The  food tastes great and it’s really not because of the brand of meat I chose or the exceptional recipe book I used.  It’s because there is so much love in there, it should be illegal!   I’m sure I’m way over in the recommended allocation for daily ♥♥♥ requirement  , however,  I’m brave, and I’ll try to survive with this over-abundance and hope no one who eats at my house overdoses.  I guess there could be worse consequences…

Salut for now and I leave you with an idea for my next project:  igpay atinlay…. We’re going to learn Pig Latin!!!

Oink Oink

Better be a Little "S" than a Little Less!  J

Part Deux : Cooking a turkey , just because…

WARNING:  If you read the second part first, you will get the punchline before the story!   See Part 1 of same title to avoid confusion!

Well, it’s 3:07pm and I can’t stand it anymore!   6 hours ago, I pledged to leave it for 12 hours but I just can’t do it… I’m on pins and needles and just feel that it’s got to be brined enough.   Now, to get the bird out of the cooler, out of the bag and into the clean sink and let’s rinse, rinse and rinse.  I’m told this is one of the most important steps, I’m gonna follow through.   Don’t forget to pitty-pat the whole thing dry, tenderly like it’s your newborn babe. - I made that last part up, isn’t it poetic? J

OK!  Maintenant, some butter, onion powder, celery and a little persi/perlà (that’s parsley for the uninitiated),  et voila, 4:02pm and we’re in the oven at 325F for the next 3 hours.  I’ve got my meat thermometer ready and have reset my timer(s)….  I’ve now got another 3 hours to kill – well, it being Sunday and all, I don’t really intend on killing anyone but would like to find something productive to do during that time– if you know what I mean.   Hey, maybe I’ll have a snack, read a book, watch a video, do my homework and call my mom!   I’m hungry enough to eat a horse – I mean a whole turkey J  tick-tock-tick-tock-tick-tock…



Well, it is 6:28pm, 2 hours and 26 minutes after bird flew into the oven and my thermometer tells me it’s cooked!    Now, another 30 minutes as the subject of our attention needs to SIT and rest for a bit.   And I thought I was the only one tired… tick-tock-tick-tock-tick-tock…

7:01pm:   Mmmm, mmmmm, mmmm…  Hmsilp  o snvzeest!  Pnxs ow ywmc  emeyrt pathe ! – SO SORRY!! – my mouth was full;  What a feast!  Out-of-this world taste!    It's the best - Zab had told me how everyone had raved about it at her house!  I'm sure glad that I listened to her good advice!   She was right again - elle a toujours raisin, ma soeur!  However  I have barely started my 3rd helping but i'm already stuffed!    My hunger pangs stopped midway between the cheddar flavored popcorn and the nachos grande with guacamole and salsa i inhaled while i was waiting; that’s what happens to me everytime when it takes too long to get from A to B once I get the yearning.      Rats!  Zut!  

Mooch and Moochette are looking at me, batting their eyelashes, letting me know that they always have room for more food and hope I’ll (oops) drop some on the floor for them to Hoover ™ up.   I don’t think so, not this time.   Off it goes in the freezer, so the next time I feel like a turkey, I can indulge in a timely manner.

I had been warned that a turkey can be a serious investment in time – no kidding, Jack!!!  It’s a good thing all the other stuff I had planned today could be dealt with in bite-size time periods because I was able to fit  all of it within my multiple waiting -around breaks.

You know, I’m making a video of all this; not only so I can remember next time when the turkey craving shows its irrepressible head but to help Newbies of all ages and at all stages of their cooking education!  Kind of like a “ Turkey for Dummies” book.  I will have it be available for purchase at $29.95 plus GST or HST or whatever other taxes prevail.  You think I’m trying to get rich?  Well, there’s that;  J  however, I  do have some costs to recover, you know.  I had to take 2 weeks off work for this project, one full week since I first got the “cursed craving”,  to meat on the plate; then I'll need another week to rest and recover from the trauma.  I swear; next time this nasty craving pops up in my head, I’m booking a flight to Montréal, first class, for the weekend and get my sister or brother or mother to cook a “Dinde” for me;  it’ll be cheaper and more enjoyable, I promise!

I will say “Salut” at this time.  All the pots and pans I own are in the sink, soaking, waiting for the maid to come and clean up.  I sure pray that my boys have learned their cooking skills from their dad because they won’t be much help in the kitchen if they leaned on me to pass that gene on to them!  Improvising in the kitchen is not one of my skills - leave it to the pros I say!

Signing off for real now, and leaving you with this moral:    “If I don’t cook another turkey until the cows come home, that’ll be too soon! “ ~ Hey, I feel like roast beef now!!!  (I feel another story coming on!)

Better be a Little "S" than a Little Less!  J

Part 1: Cooking a turkey, just because...

Today, I feel like a turkey!  ~ Hey! Watch your comments,  you peoples in the peanut gallery!!!  I just heard someone remark:  “What else is new??”   ~ . Well, I feel like e-a-t-i-n-g  turkey, if you need to have it spelled out!

Problem is:  I have not cooked one in at least 120 years! (I am well preserved, eh?)  OK, that’s a lie… I have NEVER cooked a turkey EVER!

Mind you, I have been in the same room when someone else has cooked one:  My mom, my significant other, my sister and my brother are all great cooks.  Even a few friends have let me in their beloved kitchen at this crucial time.  But I’ve never before had the responsibility of all the steps necessary to accomplish this great task all by my lonesome and I confess, it scares me to death!  But today, I am ready for the challenge and I’m intent on winning this war! Go Girl Go!

On the treasured advice of my sister ~ who is my mentor extraordinaire in kitchen matters ~ I have decided to “brine” the darn thing before cooking it, as if it was not already complicated enough!    After reading the instruction manual (you know I’m serious when I get that desperate), recipe says to make sure the fowl is completely thawed out before attempting anything.  Well!  Now they tell me... There goes another 12 hours… tick-tock-tick-tock-tick-tock... i have time to run a 10K, vacuum my whole house and compose my blogs for the next month.

Fastrack to later:  OK! I think that’s done.  Not that easy when there’s no room (or time) to do it slowly in the fridge, when the temperature in your house is colder than that in your fridge (see previous story) and that if you leave it in the sink full of cold water, it will freeze all over again!  Then, the only resource is to put the thing outside in a spot where the dogs or any other animal won’t snack on it while it’s defrosting. Now we’re talking wrapped in bags, in a cooler chained shut and surrounded by barbed wire.  Wow, that’s a lot of work – it’s only morning and already I’m exhausted!

Now I am supposed to get rid of the stuff that is hidden inside; unfortunately folks, I’m discovering that it’s not at all like when you open a Cracker Jack box or a Kinder Surprise treat.  I know the dogs will like what I found in there, however, I won’t dwell on it at this time and instead will hide it in the fridge until I decide what’s to be done with it.  

OK!  We’re now all rinsed and ready to marinate in this mix: 2 gallons of cold water, 2 cups of salt and 2 cups of sugar, enough for a 12 lb turkey, in a food-safe bag as we don’t want PCPs or PCBs or PCPEs  in our supper, do we? Do we mind?  Maybe we do when I figure out what all those initials stand for. Never know – Won’t take the chance!

So for another12 hours , this will soak up the good stuff and I’m supposed to have the very best-delicious-moistest-juicy turkey ever. 

We are also warned that over-soaking is worse than under-soaking . Great! So now I have something else to stress about. 

·       Did I convert kilos to pounds accurately?

·       Is my timer set?

·       Does my timer work?

·       Will I hear it when it rings?

·       What if the power goes out?

·       Where is my battery operated timer?

You know, the regular stuff we worry about.

Well, it’s 9:07 am and the turkey is now brining!  She’ll keep on doing that for 11.9 hours (not that I’m particular or anything) and then we’ll rinse and throw in the oven!   WooHoo!  Now, off to walk the dogs, to church, to LIFE in general as the waiting commences and the timers are activated!  Tick-tock-tick-tock-tick-tock…….. ***TO BE CONTINUED***

“ Hurray! It’s raining!”

I  CAN’T believe I am saying this, that I actually wrote it down: Please don’t quote me, I’ll plead the 5^th!  Let’s get this straight:  You know I’m ready to be incarcerated when I come up with stuff like that – I’ll deny it to the death!   Just send me to the institution super fast, without passing GO and without my $200. On second thought, maybe, yes, I’ll take the money, I need a new umbrella. J

I don’t want to hear anything more about snowplows – long johns or icicles.  I’ve had enough!  I am miserable and I can’t take it anymore! 

I feel so much better now that I’ve come out with it.  Just goes to show you how fickle we can be, up and down in our weather moods like a yo-yo.  And talking about rain is so much more entertaining anyway!   Look at all the ways that have been created to describe this water that comes out of the clouds:

·       Shower

·       Precipitation

·       Spitting

·       Downpour

·       Drizzle

·       Pelting

·       Torrent

·       Deluge

And I’m sure if I was to research a little longer, I could provide you with several more and add cute adjectives either before or after the words for variation.  But I have to share with you my very favorite:

It’s raining Cats and Dogs!!!

Peoples, I can so picture that in my head, how much fun it would be for me to watch and how confusing it would be for the poor animals!!!  We’ve been told that cats always land on their feet but what about the dogs? Is it really true?  And how would  the hairy beasts  feel about this?   Energized or ecstatic?  Excited or exhilarated ? ~as you can see, I am practicing my “E” words today.  J

In my dreams, yes, absolutely… in real life?  Maybe not!   More like “Freaking out”, ‘Frightened”,  “Frustrated”, “Frazzled”, “Fearful” and a-“Fraid” ~not bad at F words that are not offensive, either. J

Anyhow, it put me in a mellow mood, for a few moments.  I think there is a reason why this does not happen in reality.  Remember the smell of wet fur?   Not something I want to experience in the near future, that’s for sure, and I’m pretty certain that you would not neither.

Signing off to locate a clothes peg to plug my nose, just in case!

Better be a Little "S" than a Little Less!  J