Needy....

Lately, i have had the opportunity to volunteer at a couple of events where i GIVE out stuff.  Slices of cake at one, pens and pins at another one.  

What i find very sad is that there are so many people out there who are needy.  If it's free, they want it, they need it, can they have 2? Their eyes are glowing, their fingers are in a grabbing mode.  They feel entitled, worthy and deserving of anything they can get!  GIMME, GIMME!

I remember feeling like that, years ago, before I had Christ in my life.  I was so cranky all the time, never happy with what i had or was, trying to fill the gap with things.  I was so wrong!

Now that i have realized  that Christ was the missing puzzle piece, it is so wonderful to know that the free piece of cake, or pen, or T-Shirt  are nice, but definitely not necessary to my survival.  

Somehow, i am not so starving  for give-aways because  i have ALL i need from God Himself!  And, since He has promised to take care of me, i know that manna will come down from heaven from Him if i become THAT hungry. 

I deserve nothing and am so thankful for God's Grace.    i keep rejecting Him, then i apologize, and He always takes me back!   Now, that's not religion, that is unconditional love!  

THAT's what i want!  THAT's what i need!

a million thank yous!

Just sayin' ...  

Better Be a Little "S" than a Little  Less :)

… Thar she blows? NO! Down she goes!

Well it was Thursday 5PM, beautiful sunny afternoon; I'd just come home from work and decided to leash up Nicky and Bella to take them for a nice stroll around the park and celebrate the start of a promising  long weekend.   
One of the problems with this nice weather is that we are approximately 600,000 people who had the same idea! 

 I guess everyone is starved for sunshine, not just me!  Well, I am tickled red to say that I've been working hard on training my dogs so that they understand that me, myself, Sylvie is THE alpha of this gang.  However, Bella is still very skittish when there are lots of people. So, I'm strolling along and just smiling back at everyone who is smirking at me because – without a lie, we make a beautiful picture the 3 of us  . 

So, as Nick and i turn RIGHT at the corner, Bella decides that she does not like the sound of this group stopped on the side of the path and she swerves LEFT!  Well, unfortunately,  she's only 2 steps in front of me,  and because she gives me no warning whatsoever and i have no time to prepare for this abrupt change in direction, there i go, ass over tea kettle, flat on the ground in front of 599,999 people!  Embarrassed? Yes.  Furious?  Oh yes.  Then Bella comes and licks my face to say: "I'm sorry Mom."  Awwww.

So i get back up, reassuring the crowd around me that I’m OK, wipe my shirt and pants, and manage to limp home without further incidents. At home, I check out  the road rash on my right elbow, hip and knee and cover the whole thing with Polysporin and band-aids .   Thankfully  I never let go of the leash when i lost control so i haven’t lost the dogs, just a good chunk of skin and pride. 

The moral of this story?  Two options, as I see them:

1.     If you're walking crazy dogs, only go to the park at 5 A M or when it's pouring ;  you are less likely to draw a crowd if no one else is there!
2.     If you want to be bedazzled by "old dogs, new tricks" go to the park on sunny days.  What's one woman's worse moment might just be the most entertaining thing you've seen all week!

As for me: the last time i had so much fun, i was 15 and tried to stand on a skateboard!!   But that’s a story for another time.   So long….

Better Be a “Little S” than a Little Less

The Balancing Act...

I have never been a “halfway” kind of person.    Do I view my glass as half-full or half-empty?  100% full or 100% empty has always been my favored way of thinking, as distorted as that can seem, to the uninitiated.  It's yes or no, never maybe. 


I love that verse from John 10:10, when Jesus claims… “I have come that they may have life and have it to the FULL”  (emphasis mine)…    Well, that’s what I want to do, live it to the full extent possible.

Sparingly?  Sparsely?   The afore-mentioned are adjectives I don’t often identify with the way I live: Am I right? Wrong?   Who’s to say?   What I know is that I am aware of my passionate sense of life and am also conscious that I need to protect myself… from myself.  I'm addicted to the Full-Life principle and want nothing less!  Do you think i was born for a "little life"? Moi?    La Petite Vie ~ not for me! 

Is that safe, you ask?  Well, i have found a way to work on that problem of mine.  I need a Little "S" 12-Step Program (no Peanut Gallery, that's not a Country and Western dance lesson). 
From my readings, Twelve Step meetings are not for the faint of heart!  Do you think it's easy to put yourself out there, naked, problems in full view of anyone?  How I wish that I could stand up at  such a meeting, and state to all present:  " YES, my name is  Little "S"
and i am a  mess!  (Hey! that rhymes!)   I don't know if i'm coming  or going but as long as i've looked like i knew what i was doing, i've had you fooled.  Sorry to burst your bubble but I'm just as human and broken as you are because, by the way, i am not in control. "    Cough.  Choke. Gasp!!!

I  need something that realigns me back in a place of normal human deficiency,  and that helps me go on with more than just a black or white attitude.   Being middle-of-the-road is not necessarily considered wishy-washy.   It  should also  teach me a balance which I sadly (?) lack and show me I am not the only one who needs reminders of the health hazards of living this full way and the tremendous benefits of not constantly jumping on and off the wagon  ;   broken ankles are the least of my worries!  

Wagons can have so many different shapes; some are likely to be very well hidden: 
Drinking excessively whether it’s Starbucks coffee, Coca-Cola or rye & ginger ale!  Can't function without watching the news, on every channel, 3 times a day, under the guise of wanting to be in touch?  Day totally ruined when someone gets to the crossword puzzle before you at coffee break?   Eat, read or sleep too much?    Organizing my week to fit around my life-choices and absolutely devastated if something goes awry?  Am i still in charge?   Is the bull running the cart or is it the other way around?

Obviously, the answers to these questions are going to be different for each one of us.   However,  what I mostly appreciate about the 12-Step family mentality is that it is not wrong to acknowledge our weaknesses because once we get to that point, we are able to not only see that we are not alone in our excesses but also see that we can be realists and truly intend to roll up our sleeves and get to work at becoming the people we will value even more than we already do.   I love AA's motto of : " Progress, not Perfection."

I have learned that one of the most important Commandments is to “…love your neighbor as yourself..”.    Well, if I don’t love myself enough to want to be the best I can be, what does that look like for my neighbor? 
What am I addicted to that is dragging me down? 

Is it a monster that has taken life of it's own? 

Something to ponder on, anyways, in these days of excessive seasonal partying opportunities;  will i make it.... or blow myself up?   Maybe living to the full just reminds me not to settle for the crumbs dropped under the table; maybe it's about not being afraid of loving to the max, with no regrets.  And maybe it's just a state of being, a spirit fully satiated because i'm becoming the best that i can be, the person i am meant to be!

Signing off... and walking the line, today anyway  :)

 Better to be a Little “S” than a Little Less  

The Art of Being Lost

 What got me started?  This quote, from a book of Peter Behrens, which I just finished reading:  "The O’Briens"  -  By the way, I totally recommend this Canadian author I just discovered.

“You were never really lost because there was nowhere you weren’t lost...It was only panic that caused trouble.”

Isn’t that the truth!  I’m lost all the time,  however, I only panic once in a blue moon!

We’re talking here about someone *me*, who gets lost ALL the time!  No, I am not exaggerating.  Once my son had to come and rescue me ~on my 50th birthday~ because I lost my way while driving to an important exam.  I can still remember that phone call:  I dialed him, he recognized my number and started signing “Happy Birthday” before he said hello.  And I replied:  “No, it’s not a happy day, I’m lost” and I was balling my eyes out, on the verge of a full-blown panic attack,  with my mom and sister visiting from out of town in the car with me!  I was freaking out about being late; so I stopped on the side of the road and from my cell phone, , between sobs, I explained to him where I was.   Within minutes – thank goodness I was close to where he lived –  he appeared out of nowhere, telling me to look ahead of me on the road and there he was in his car, to lead the way!  Then we found the school but couldn’t find how to get in… and here is my boy, holding my hand and running with me to find a door that was not locked.  I tell you – that made up for a lot of his teenage shenanigans!

Another time, I was out at a Christmas get together in a neighboring town and even though I had made it there with no trouble at all, it was dark at departure time and I got completely turned around.  Ended up in the middle of nowhere, where there were no streetlights, no homes, no stores… and only one truck following me from way to close for my comfort - i started hearing eery music in my head... freaky!  And I did not have my cell phone!!!   After half an hour of driving in the dark, I finally spotted a house with Christmas lights on and figured they probably weren’t murderers if they had decorated their home.  So I got out of my car, rang the doorbell and broke into tears when a lady answered the door!  I explained to her that I was lost,  where I was coming from and where I wanted to be.  She handed me a box of Kleenex and proceeded to explain to me how to get back on the main road;  I followed her directions and was promptly on my way home, albeit over an hour late.   Scary!

I think my problem is that I do not have one ounce of a sense of direction in me. PERIOD.  I get in trouble when I forget that and decide to follow my instincts which are ALWAYS wrong.  So what do I do about this?  I do have some options:

One:  I could get a GPS unit in my vehicle.  Yes, there is something of the sort in my cell phone but since we’re not supposed to use our cell phones while driving, this is not very helpful. 

Two:  I need a chauffeur.  A little pricier than option one however, it would kill 2 birds with one stone (no Peanut Gallery, I don’t really kill birds, it’s just an expression that convenes efficiency). This would allow me a reprieve from driving and a worry-free trip as to the possibility that I am going to appear at my destination on time.

  

The moral of the story?   When I find a good way to get somewhere, I stick to it and you could tell me about better ways or shortcuts and I won’t listen to you because, if I change my mental roadmap, I’ll get lost one more time.

Mind you, another option would be to stay home but then, I’d miss all the excitement!

Better Be a Little “S” than a Little Less! 

Annual Visit to the Vet

My goodness....what an adventure!  That was yesterday, i'm still recovering!

I left the house 40 minutes before the appointment, even when i know we are only 10 minutes away.  I wanted to be there early, if only to give me a chance to calm the dogs down before we walked in.  I don't think they are scared of the vet's office; it's just that we don't do it often and it is an EVENT!  

We walked in, introduced ourselves and went in to get weighed. ( Not me , you in the Peanut Gallery-  the dogs!  you'd know what the "we" figure of speech was if you were a mom). I was so happy and proud , no howling, no jumping on the counter, no kiss-kiss with the young receptionist ; they behaved so well . I am comparing to last year when they yelped and barked the whole time we were waiting ~this time,  they both sat on my command  , at my feet one on each side of me like             bookends , and greeted everyone who walked by very gently - even a great Dane that looked to be the size of a small horse!!!... and then we were let into  Exam Room 2. It was all good until the vet came in and Bella (my 4-year old female) proceeded to endear herself to the Doctor to get treats... How she  remembered from a year ago?  I have no idea but she did! Anyhow... it was hilarious because it took 3 of us to hang on to Bella while she got her shots!! She is SO strong! There was dog hair flying everywhere, kiss-kisses to everyone within tongue range and worried looks from Nicky who was wondering what we were doing to his poor little sister!! 

BUT, I was smart this time: (read: "been there, done that!" )  So, i sat on the floor right away so she would not knock me down in her exuberance, as she did last year... it was hilarious - some innocent bystander should have been there with a camcorder ... the video clip of this event would have gone viral on YouTube, i'm certain.   Nicky, the gentle-dog that he is, behaved wonderfully and got his shots and his treats without any fuss. We came home 2 hours later and all had a nap~ I’m probably the only one who needed it ~ other than the vet, that is! 

So now, it's time for our walk. i was a bit worried that they would not have the energy - 2 of their shots where in their hind-quarters... i should know better – you would think these guys are on Red Bull full-time!   So, here we go, shedding hair somewhere else than in the house ~ for an hour- anyway!

Salut to my faithful peoples- sorry it's taken me so long to get over my writer's block!

"Been There, Done That " =  "Fool Me Once, Shame on You; Fool Me Twice, Shame on Me"

Better Be a Little “S” than a Little Less!

One year ago today

 Glen passed away.  I miss him ~ always will.  Today, i can say:

Love,

If …

If only I had known

That you would go before you went,

That you would leave before you left, or

That you would die before you breathed your last,

I would have said goodbye in a different way.

Love,

If…

If I had anything to do with it

All our dreams would have come true,

All our words would have been said,

All our trees would have grown tall, and

All our moments together would have been gold.

Love,

If…

If on the other hand I could change things,

We would not be the people we were

We would not have lived the moments we did

Our tears would be for naught and

Our lives would be a lie

Love,

If…

If I had not met you

I would not be who I am today.

You will always have a part of me

A very essential piece of my puzzle

Thank you for you ♥    

Glen’s Little “S” says goodbye today.   

Reflections!

              

Wow!  What a rush!   I thought I knew what I was getting into.  Boy was I wrong!  

I  resisted the idea to prepare my blogs ahead of time and just post them on the right day , because my ultimate goal for this challenge was not to just do it, it was to make sure I learned to discipline myself to write every day.  That was pressure!  Good or bad, that remains to be seen.  Setting aside the required time is something that needs to be a must for me and I seriously thought that it would be a piece of cake and  I could fly through this with my eyes closed!   Wahh!  Think again.  That was not the case.  I mean, i had chosen a word with each letter but that's like choosing a name for your child before it's born.... sometimes the name doesn't fit!!!!  So it's back to the drawing board - sort of.

Just like my 10 kilometer  run where I was exhausted before the finish line and was tempted to give up, I kept sight of the finish line getting closer and closer and by counting backwards, talked myself into finishing.  It was tougher than I had imagined,  however, it was also more rewarding than anticipated.

Will I do it again?  Most probably.  I think this must be like having kids.  It’s painful  like crazy but if it was THAT bad, everyone would quit after the first one!  Now I’ve got 11 months to figure out how to get badges on my blog site, continue to visit my newfound friends and learn from the incredible stories they all have to share.  I will plan on having nothing else of importance on my April 2013 schedule, I tell you that!

Thank you,  my brother Guy and my sister Elisabeth, to blog with me in the sidelines.  It was such a pleasure to read you every morning before my day went nuts!  Gracias fellow A to Z bloggers, everyone of you,  you all deserve a badge; not only for posting your own (or multiples in several cases)  but finding time to visit the neighbors!    Merci beaucoup, awesome organizers!  Your encouragement was truly motivating and I’ve lived an incredible month because you pioneers did it first!   Bravo and Brava!

Better Be a Little “S” than a Little Less